Las Vegas Weekly

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Rough week for the love lives of millionaire octogenarians.

First, 25-year-old Crystal Harris broke off her engagement to 85-year old Hugh Hefner, just days before the wedding. She flew to Vegas, threw on a black bikini and heels and partied with Heidi Montag at Wet Republic.

Peepshow star/voice of reason Holly Madison wasn’t impressed: “That’s disgusting and whoever booked her is tacky!” she tweeted.

Next, 83-year-old Nevada businessman/hunter/conservationist/collector Robert M. Lee allegedly grabbed and twisted the breast of an in-flight paramedic. When his nurse told him that he couldn’t do that, he allegedly replied, “I can do whatever I want. This is my airplane.”

Turns out, not so much. Lee was charged with sexual assault and now faces up to six months in prison.

So, what does a lonely octogenarian have to do to win a woman’s heart these days?

Go for somebody age-appropriate, you say? I say that ain’t enough.

On Wednesday, 81-year-old moonwalk runner-up Buzz Aldrin filed for divorce from his (age-appropriate) wife Lois Cannon, citing irreconcilable differences.”

Who should older men be dating? It’s hard to say. Dr. Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff conducted a study on the age disparity in dating and found a “consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men.”

But this preference, taken to its extreme, leads to trouble down the road. As WebMD author Jane Meredith points out, “An age difference of 15 or 20 or 35 years early in life may seem insignificant, but over time the age gap can mean that the younger woman is nursing an ill or dying husband just when she’s in midlife and eager to be active.”

In the end, the only surefire solution is the Wayne Newton approach: Sell your soul to the devil and stop aging after 50.