Five Bond girls who changed Ken Miller’s life
Thu, Sep 27, 2012 (3 p.m.)
Bond is back, and everything seems right with the world once again. As Skyfall’s premiere looms, Greenspun Media Group’s own Las Vegas Magazine put together a nifty spy-themed issue, complete with an original story by Editor Jack Houston and featuring three local beauties as the femmes fatales: professional poker player and model Lacey Jones; journalist Denise Pernula; and Taylor Makakoa, wife of Strip entertainer Terry Fator.
Such a tableau of beauty made me remember some of my first crushes as a young man: The Bond girls. (By the way, calling any beautiful woman a “girl” seems like something you can only get away with in the Bond culture. In that world, it’s a badge of honor.)
Here are my five top Bond ladies, in order of crush:
1. Barbara Bach, The Spy Who Loved Me I was 12 when I first saw this movie on HBO back in the late ’70s, and to this date, I don’t think there’s been a sexier woman ever in a Bond film. Bach’s short-lived film career is still a mystery to me, as she electrified every scene she was in. This was my first major film crush, and in a weird way, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. Barbara, nobody did it better.
2. Honor Blackman, Goldfinger So, was Pussy Galore a lesbian or not? Who cares? Blackman was a badass in this movie. If you buy into the lesbian theory, Bond’s seduction of her becomes even more legendary. After all, what’s a bigger male fantasy than making someone switch teams? But I’d just prefer to think she was very … selective. And did I mention badass?
3. Luciana Paluzzi, Thunderball Okay, so this one’s a bit of a cheat. She wasn’t the “Bond girl” in this film. In fact, she was a real, real bad girl, a killer who tries (unsuccessfully, of course) to kill Bond. But I’m breaking the rules because … well, just LOOK at her. As far as I’m concerned, Paluzzi set the unachievable bar for all future Bond villainesses, the perfect combination of voluptuous beauty and menace. Grace Jones? Puh-leeze. Only Famke Janssen in GoldenEye came close.
4. Eva Green, Casino Royale Green absolutely nailed the character of Vesper Lynd, an agent playing both ends to marvelous effect. The scene where a fully-clothed Bond comforts the distraught Lynd in the shower following a decidedly nasty attack is, in my opinion, the BEST dramatic moment the Bond canon ever achieved. Bravo, Green, for giving us a great combination of beauty, strength and vulnerability. Not an easy hat trick.
5. Halle Berry Die Another Day Uh, duh? Sorry, but the image of Berry emerging from the ocean in that peach-colored bikini makes the Ursula Andress moment in Dr. No a faint memory. The film, frankly, sucked, but who watches Berry’s films for their quality?