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Sexuality

[Love & Sex Issue 2014]

Field guide to getting it on

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      Inflatable "Pirate Island" on Lake Mead

      Novelty: Why mess with a blow-up doll when you can get busy on your own blow-up island? The adventure-factor is high, though you risk springing a leak if things get too … acrobatic.

      Scenery: Deep blue water, open sky, red canyons, wild flowers—the Mojave Desert backdrop is much prettier than your bedroom wall.

      Pros: Your Intex rig is a steal at $25, given its 74-inch diameter and grab rope for bondage play or stability during risky positions. Floating on Lake Mead means sensual wave motion from passing jet skis.

      Cons: Jet skis have people on them who might not take kindly to such literal interpretations of being a dirty pirate. Butt-crack sunburns are unholy.

      Celebrity we can see being into it: Johnny Knoxville

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      Shower in El Cortez tower room

      Novelty: When it comes to stamina, no Vegas hotel outdoes the El Cortez. The retro vibe adds romance, and there’s always the chance a mobster ghost will send an extra shiver down your spine.

      Scenery: Before hitting the room, loosen up with drinks at Parlour Bar and watch the poker tables for Vegas legend Jackie Gaughan. He’s been around even longer than the sweet mauve showers in the tower.

      Pros: There’s no way your shower gets cleaned as often as this one, which comes equipped with fresh towels for splashes that escape the curtain. And the safety bar will come in handy.

      Cons: Vegas water tastes terrible, so be careful about open-mouthed O-face.

      Celebrity we can see being into it: Jon Hamm

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      Hummer limo on the Strip

      Novelty: Doing it in the car is pretty played out. Doing it in a tricked-out limo descended from a military beast with a total stranger behind the wheel is pretty kinky.

      Scenery: If it’s timed just right, you can climax as Andrea Bocelli’s voice hits an insane high note and the Bellagio fountains geyser toward the heavens.

      Pros: Unlike your 1982 Volkswagen Scirocco, the Hummer limo is spacious, so your ass won’t accidentally honk the horn or get caught on the shifter.

      Cons: The Hummer appears in Urban Dictionary’s usage of “douche canoe.” And this ride ain’t free. One local company rents for $125/hour with a two-hour minimum and fuel surcharge. Plus, once somebody makes a joke about getting a hummer, you’ll really be in a douche canoe.

      Celebrity we can see being into it: Tara Reid

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      Cheap IKEA table in your cheap apartment

      Novelty: Is the thrill gone from your bedroom? Let’s take this party to the dining room, where it belongs!

      Scenery: Cheap apartments are extra-cozy, meaning your dining table is probably right next to your TV—so you can get hot watching Magnum, P.I. reruns.

      Pros: Imbuing everyday objects with naughty vibes is erotic and economical. IKEA boasts that the “clear-lacquered surface is easy to wipe clean” on its Torsby table, so there’s that.

      Cons: Depending on your cleanliness, you might end up with rogue Cheerios embedded in your back. And if you want to continue enjoying meals at this table, you can never break up with your lover. Ever.

      Celebrity we can see being into it: Kristen Stewart

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      Erin Ryan

      Erin got her first newspaper job in 2002 thanks to a campfire story about Bigfoot. In her award-winning work for ...

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