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Social lubricant: A party-planning guide for the AVN virgin

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Front and center: Ron Jeremy
Courtesy of AVN

The mere mention of Vegas’ annual Adult Entertainment Expo (more commonly known as AVN or “the porn convention”) conjures erotic fantasies of a world with half-naked porn stars and promotional booty at every turn. We porn-convention veterans would be the first in line to slap them back to reality if that fantasy weren’t the God’s honest truth.

AVN brings together the industry’s largest showcase of what’s next in the world of adult entertainment, provides fans with direct access to adult film stars—without needing a high-speed Internet connection—and remains one of the most important networking opportunities for those who work in the adult industry.

Unfortunately, there is one, small obstacle for the Average Joe looking to gain access to this utopian kingdom of explicit bliss; you need a badge to get in. And while anyone can pre-register on the fan side of the Adult Entertainment Expo website and pay for entrance to the convention floor, much of the real excitement occurs after the convention floor closes …

The afterparties, open to Average Joe and all his buddies for a mere cover charge, are most often hosted by leading adult-film stars and production companies, and are where much of the actual business of AVN takes place, as newly-introduced professionals relax, drink and get down to the brass tacks of booking their next gig, publishing that tell-all book or hawking that show-all calendar.

More importantly, these events play host to scores of scantily-clad, leading adult actresses looking to unwind after a long day of promotional work. In other words, they might be looking to get drunk and make bad porn-actress decisions. With you.

Some things to remember when planning your AVN afterparty itinerary:

1. If you’re looking to mingle amongst (as opposed to merely gawk at) adult stars and industry members, look for convention parties at smaller nightclubs. You’ll find more concentrated access to the crowd you’re looking for. Think body proximity.

2. Your convention badge might help you avoid paying covers at some parties, but it’s still pretty dorky walking around a nightclub wearing it. Take it off and laugh at those who didn’t read this.

3. A $5.99 “FBI: Female Body Inspector” T-shirt from a Downtown gift shop is not the free pass to inspect female bodies. Pick-up attempt will be DOA—dead on arrival.

4. Those serious about getting into the industry should take this opportunity to collect business cards from legitimate adult-industry scouts and e-mail them whatever pictures or information they request.

5. It is common for clubs to give away movies, toys, posters, condoms, and branded clothing at afterparties. Grab all the free stuff you want; just don’t forget to empty your pockets at the end of the night. There’s nothing worse than a forgotten tube of cherry-flavored lube in a dryer.

6. Be prepared: Porn stars often look vastly different in person.

7. Asking to take a picture with your favorite adult star is acceptable; just don’t lose your self control when it occurs to you that you’ve finally attained your lifelong goal of being on the same side of the camera as (insert kittenish porn name here).

8. Avoid using the term “insert.”

9. Should you find yourself conversing with a major adult actress, keep in mind that she’s likely spent all day signing autographs for creepy fans with sweaty palms. You’ll want to not come across as one of those. Not asking in-depth questions about her role in Anal Invaders 8 might be a start.

10. When the nightclub parties end, mingle your way into one of the private hotel-suite after-afterparties. There you can rub elbows (and maybe more?) with celebs and adult stars out of the public eye. That’s when the real party begins.

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