Las Vegas Weekly

• Tweet
• 
• Print
• 

Ken Miller

Thu, Jun 12, 2008 (midnight)

Oscar Goodman is, as everyone knows by now, the Happiest Mayor in the World. And why shouldn’t he be? He’s in charge of one of the fastest-growing cities of the last 20 years, the voters love him, and he gets to say anything he wants.

The most recent outrageous thing to come out of his mouth is that he may run for governor in 2010—okay, maybe that one’s not so outrageous. After all, Nevada has, arguably, the worst governor in the country. Assuming that Hizzoner is serious and actually runs and actually wins, we at the Weekly couldn’t help but wonder what the Silver State would look like under his regime:

• The Governor’s Mansion gets relocated from Carson City to Las Vegas. (As far as we know, Goodman’s never been outside the confines of Las Vegas, and we’ve got to keep Oscar happy, otherwise this whole thing doesn’t work.)

• Legislation passes significantly reducing the costs for film crews to shoot movies and TV shows throughout Nevada—as long as Goodman gets to be in them.

• Graffiti vandal museum opens—featuring the “wall of thumbs.”

• Bombay Sapphire Gin moves headquarters to Nevada. Soon after, construction begins on Bombay Field, home of the country’s newest Major League Baseball team, the Dry Martinis.

• Sweeping education reform begins with passage of legislation in which no future Las Vegas mayor is allowed to speak to elementary school children.

• Yucca Mountain gets repurposed as a bordello. (Hey, it’s got to get used for something, and talk about privacy.)

• Legislators meet once a week for happy hour at Olympic Garden.

• Massive session convened to redefine “ethics.”

• You guessed it … showgirls in the Legislature!