The help desk
Where we sort it all out for you
Thu, Sep 4, 2008 (midnight)
Britney Spears reappears in Las Vegas, reportedly looking hot. Nice try, Britney, but John McCain’s already chosen his running mate.
Mos Def under larceny investigation for snatching camera from photographer in Las Vegas. Actually, he wasn’t trying to steal it. He was trying to sample it.
Local girl attacked by pet python. Man, first Roy Horn and now this. What is it with the pets in this town?
Marion “Suge” Knight arrested in Las Vegas. Guess it wasn’t true what everyone was saying—he can still get arrested after all.
The Killers’ Brandon Flowers afraid of flying. Know what we’re afraid of? Another mediocre CD.
Sarah Larson allegedly cheated on George Clooney prior to their breakup. Yep, you guessed it—slowest news week ever.
Star Trek: The Experience closes. Well, that’s it. The end of an era. It’ll be hard to replace—Hey, look! A titty bar!
Oscar Goodman to be roasted at the Plaza. It’ll be the only roast in history where roasters won’t have to tell jokes—only the truth.