Las Vegas Weekly

All Cross, no stitch: A funny comedian’s unfunny book

I Drink for a reason

Reading through David Cross’ I Drink for a Reason was kind of like watching a Bob Odenkirk movie: I spent the whole time thinking, Come on, man, you can do better than this.

I know Cross can do better because I’ve seen his award-winning TV shows, Mr. Show and Arrested Development, and I’ve and listened to his Grammy-nominated comedy CD, Shut Up, You Fucking Baby! I know Cross can do better because he’s funny, because he’s passionate and because he usually makes fun of those who deserve to be made fun of. But despite his humor, his verve and his spot-on targeting, I Drink for a Reason fails.

The book’s line-by-line failures fall into two main categories:

1) Some jokes are hackneyed

Example A) “Fox Reality Channel Shows Currently Under Production: So You Think You Can Projectile Vomit! … Last Blogger Standing … Who Wants to Marry My Midget?”

Example B) “I’ve been thinking lately about having kids. Not because I think they’re wonderful … I’m thinking about having a kid so that I can justify my embarrassing amount of video-game playing.”

What the hell, David? What the hell happened? That’s the kind of humor you used to lampoon, not peddle.

2) Other jokes have been done before (but not to the point where they’re hackneyed)

The Details

I Drink for a Reason

David Cross. Grand Central Publishing, $24.

Amazon: I Drink for a Reason

Look no further than the I Drink for a Reason preface. In it, Cross jokes about 1) the difficulties of fulfilling a book contract and turning in a completed manuscript; 2) the social faux pas celebrated writers can get away with; and 3) fancy writer parties. Cross’ specifics jokes on these topics have been covered (and far surpassed) in Wigfield: The Can-Do Town That Just May Not (Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello, Amy Sedaris) and in How I Became a Famous Novelist (Steve Hely). But it’s not just the preface; the whole book feels familiar … which is odd because Cross the man is anything but.

Thankfully, I Drink for a Reason is not all bad; Cross does some things right, and here are two of ’em:

1) Cross sprinkles the text with his signature biting proper-noun phrases

It’s amazing: Cross can pack more social commentary into a proper noun than most comedians can squeeze into a full paragraph. Examples: “Professor McGulliver’s HyperHealthy Squiggle Rinds” (a commentary on deceptive junk-food labeling); “Operation Hang Upside-Down for Africa” (a commentary on the arbitrariness of certain charity events); “Parrump! Oh Boy! What Fun! And The Great Missouri Whistle Days Discovery!” (a commentary on how local theater groups’ musical productions lack dramatic conflict).

2) Cross doesn’t hold back

“Have you ever been to the airport in Minneapolis/St. Paul? Or stopped in at a random Walmart in wherever? They’re like fat museums, half the people crawling along in those scooters … You know the ones, the ‘Rascal’ and the ‘Git-Along Tubbys.’”

Like it or hate it, you’ve got to admit: The guy is fearless. (Cross says that Orthodox Jews are “the most annoying people” and that “retarded people can be a near constant source of entertainment.”)

If you want to hear more of Cross’ meanness, pick up Shut Up, You Fucking Baby! or It’s Not Funny, the CD that didn’t get the Grammy nod. If you want to learn more about Cross the man, listen to the Mr. Show DVD audio commentary tracks or buy a copy of Mr. Show: What Happened?!

But don’t buy I Drink for a Reason.

Cross writes, “I like very much the idea that I’m writing a book and by extension am now a ‘writer,’ because let’s be honest, no one considers sketch or stand-up ‘writing,’ even though of course it is.”

Untrue! David, I do consider sketch writing and stand-up-comedy writing to be legitimate writing. I do think you’re a legitimate writer. I think you’ve been a legitimate writer for years.

I do not, however, think the essay collection is the genre for you.