Las Vegas Weekly

The Help Desk

Where we sort it all out for you

Las Vegas tourism officials reviving “What happens here” slogan. Apparently they’re going after that demographic that hasn’t seen any movies in the last 10 years, doesn’t own a TV and has short-term memory loss.

Building violations issued against Paris Las Vegas. It was something about “Eiffel Tower” and “missing bolts,” but there’s no real reason for alarm.

Las Vegas police officer arrested in dispute with neighbor. When are people going to learn? Those Vegas block-party potlucks are nothing but trouble.

Some trial dates set in Vegas topless-pool case. They would have set the rest of the dates, but the lawyers couldn’t find their briefs.

Nevada’s 14.2 percent divorce rate is the highest in the U.S. If only there was an explanation for this tragic turn of—hey look, a topless pool!

Harry Reid holds second tele-town hall on health care. It went pretty smoothly until the Jerky Boys called and demanded Reid beat the shit out of Max Baucus.

Pet cemetery owners upset they could get a Carl’s Jr. as a neighbor. Right, because nothing draws the wrong element into your neighborhood more than a six-dollar burger.

Peepshow’s Aubrey O’Day, upset over nude photos on the Internet, cancels performance to record video taking her top off. Ummm ... that’ll show ’em?