Wed, Oct 21, 2009 (4:21 p.m.)
Hi. My name is Mira Nair, and my movie report is on Amelia Earhart. Amelia Earhart was a famous aviatrix of the 1930s, which was a very colorful decade full of potentially award-winning costume and production design. She was a woman in a male-dominated field, a distinction that I have chosen to honor by beating it into the ground until it coughs up blood. As you can see from these ostensibly breathtaking aerial shots, Amelia Earhart flew planes over many extremely picturesque locations, narrating her adventures in a tone of monotonous wonder that made her sound as if she were the mutant offspring of Glinda the Good Witch and the “Hang in there!” inspirational-poster kitten. She also married her publisher and possibly had an affair with Gore Vidal’s dad, though for the purposes of this movie report I am going to remain maddeningly cagey about that in order to ensure that nobody can possibly sue. Then she disappeared in the middle of a flight and neither her body nor the plane was ever found, which allows me to gloss over the tragedy and end upon an insipid note of pseudo-gumption.
For the role of Amelia Earhart the world-famous 1930s aviatrix, I have chosen Academy Award-winning actress Hilary Swank. As you can see, I have cut off most of her hair and asked her to resume the aw-shucks mannerisms and vague Midwestern accent she used in Boys Don’t Cry, the film for which she won her first Oscar. Perhaps this performance also merits an Oscar, since she is playing world-famous 1930s aviatrix Amelia Earhart. Don’t you think so? Look at her flying that plane! I have chosen not to give my version of Amelia Earhart any interesting personality traits or discernible inner life, as I felt that they would only distract from her accomplishments and the beautiful scenery. That right there is the African veldt. For the love interests, I have chosen silver fox Richard Gere and younger hottie Ewan McGregor, thereby covering both of the key female-viewer demographics. In conclusion, Amelia Earhart was a famous woman pilot of the 1930s who died tragically, and this is her mundane story. Thank you.