The Help Desk

The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Sep 17, 2009 (midnight)

La Toya Jackson in danger of losing Las Vegas house to foreclosure, owing $745,670 in unpaid mortgage.
Yeah, that La Toya impersonator on the Strip? That’s REALLY La Toya!
Survey finds Nevada residents prefer cremation.
Second most popular choice was being buried alive in debt.
Las Vegas sees spike in weddings for 9-9-09.
Divorce lawyers see record spikes on 9-10-09 as well.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Sep 10, 2009 (midnight)

Las Vegas Police hold planning seminar for neighborhoods facing rising crime due to foreclosures.
Criminals hoping for empty homes were very appreciative of the heads-up.
Harry Reid spokesman says the senator wasn’t being serious when he told the Review-Journal, “I hope you go out of business.”
Just like when he told his constituency, “I hope we reform health care in a meaningful way.”
Mayor Oscar Goodman renews wedding vows.
Hey, the guy’s happily married—plus, he discovered that term limits apply to his marriage, too.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Sep 3, 2009 (midnight)

Police seize two handguns and two bulletproof vests from Floyd Mayweather’s home following shooting allegations.
Hey, sometimes paintball games just get out of hand.
Rapper Too Short arrested in Vegas on DUI and possession of marijuana.
Driving drunk with weed? Maybe this guy needs to change his name to 2 Stupid 2 Live.
Nebraska philanthropist claims he had “immunity” from criminal charges over $15 million in gambling debts at two casinos.
Because philanthropic work sometimes requires you to gamble with money you don’t have.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Aug 27, 2009 (midnight)

Lawsuit alleges builders used defective Chinese drywall in some Las Vegas neighborhoods.
Thank goodness no one owns a house in Las Vegas anymore.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid trails GOP challenger by 11 points in recent poll.
Reid already working up a strategy to deal with this problem in a completely ineffectual way.
Chinese tout the quality of their products at Las Vegas trade show.
Well, the quality of everything except drywall, we’re guessing.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Aug 20, 2009 (midnight)

Floyd Mayweather says mixed martial arts “is for animals and beer drinkers.”
He went on to say that boxing “is for people who have been on desert islands and have never heard of mixed martial arts.”
Floyd Mayweather to host WWE Raw in Las Vegas next week.
We don’t know about the rest of you, but we’re really starting to trust this Mayweather guy’s judgment.
Kiss planning to bring Cirque du Soleil-style show to Las Vegas.
O was taken, so the show will be called OLD.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Aug 13, 2009 (midnight)

Michael Jackson’s Neverland may be dismantled and moved to Las Vegas as a tourist attraction.
Yeah, this is a ridiculous idea, but be honest—you’re really looking forward to seeing the “sleepover room,” aren’t you?
New ads encourage California businesses to relocate to Las Vegas.
It’s all part of the “It’s slightly less crappy here” campaign.
Chanel sues Las Vegas-based company for allegedly selling counterfeit goods.
Has anyone from Chanel been to New York-New York? Venetian? Paris? Everything’s counterfeit here!

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Aug 6, 2009 (midnight)

Some Las Vegas ATMs allegedly debiting people’s accounts but not handing out cash.
Residents were slow to report the problem because they’re used to putting their money in machines and getting nothing back.
Las Vegas Sands seeks to raise $400 million to ease cash crunch.
The first part of the plan is the trickiest—finding 400 million homes to sell.
Michael Jackson’s doctor renting a storage facility in Las Vegas.
It might never have been found, but the doctor rented from “U-Store-Incriminating-Evidence.”

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jul 30, 2009 (midnight)

North Las Vegas police officer arrested on credit-card fraud charges also had expired driver’s license and was using a stolen license plate.
Note to future criminals: If you’re fraudulently using a credit card, at LEAST use it to renew your driver’s license and get some new plates!
Las Vegas housing supply hits three-year low.
It’s not that more homes are selling—they’re just being given away free when you super-size.
Local governments spent $3.2 million of public money lobbying the Nevada Legislature this year.
Yep, we can’t give our kids a decent education, but at least our lobbyists are safe.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jul 23, 2009 (midnight)

Las Vegas personal injury lawyer sentenced to five years in prison on tax evasion charges.
Odds are he’ll know much more about personal injury by then.
Unemployment rate in Las Vegas rises to 12.3 percent.
No wonder Jim Gibbons is hiding out in Iraq.
MGM official describes Las Vegas economy as “bouncing along a bottom.”
Making it the first time a sentence with the words “bouncing” and “bottom” has NOT turned us on.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jul 16, 2009 (midnight)

John Ensign’s parents paid $96,000 to his mistress and her family.
You know, it’s like that old saying: The family that prays together pays together.
Las Vegas Hilton celebrates 40th anniversary.
Word has it their guest had a real good time.
Las Vegas man wins court battle over “HOE” license plate, saying it was short for “Chevy Tahoe.”
Paving the way for us to finally get that “DILL DO” license plate for our Cadillac Eldorado.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jul 9, 2009 (midnight)

Report: Some of those who bought early in CityCenter are demanding price reductions or deposits back.
Right, because the Strip’s high-rise condo market is COMPLETELY different from the Valley’s housing market.
Member of magician Steve Wyrick’s stunt crew injured in fire during Fourth of July “Death Drop” trick.
Wyrick said to already be working on new trick to make career completely disappear.
Las Vegas Metro holds first “First Tuesday” public forum.
The event also made for an excellent DUI checkpoint.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jul 2, 2009 (midnight)

Sales-tax rate in Clark County and Las Vegas rises to 8.1 percent as of July 1
Hey, what do we care? We’re not buying anything anyway.
Second golf course to close at Lake Las Vegas.
Area golfers flew their funny-looking pants at half mast.
Gov. Jim Gibbons demands to know what can be done about high gas prices.
Great idea! In fact, may we suggest a fact-finding trip to Saudi Arabia? And please—take your time.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jun 25, 2009 (midnight)

John Ensign admits to nine-month-long affair with campaign aide.
However, he still hasn’t admitted to his nine-year-long screwing of the Nevada education system.
Husband of Ensign’s mistress sent e-mail to Fox News informing them of the affair.
They didn’t do a story, but they did send the message down to their reality-television division.
Ensign: Ex-mistress’ husband made “exorbitant demands” for money.
Hey, the guy’s a Republican. It was a reflex action!

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jun 18, 2009 (midnight)

Las Vegas Marathon to become “Rock N’ Roll Marathon,” with live music every mile.
Songs are expected to include “Running on Empty,” “Stumblin’ In” and “Everybody Hurts.” .
Cheap Trick to headline at Hilton, perform Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper.
That’s right, because every time we hear Cheap Trick on the radio, we think, “Why can’t they play someone else’s songs?”
Hundreds of students at local elementary school absent amid swine flu scare.
Child care wasn’t really a problem, as all their parents are jobless anyway.

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The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff | Thu, Jun 11, 2009 (midnight)

MGM, Disney partnering to build Disney-themed casino.
We can’t decide what we’ll go to first: Pinocchio’s True Confessions or Bambi and Thumper: The Untold Story.
Pete Wentz spits on photographer while celebrating 30th birthday in Las Vegas.
Hey, the guy drinks his wife’s breast milk; bodily fluids are his way of showing affection.
Mel B’s role in Peepshow to come to an end.
The show’s producers had seen all they needed to see, apparently.

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A&E

Star Surveillance: Jenny McCarthy, Ice-T & Coco, Frank Marino, Human Nature and …
Rapper and actor Ice-T and his “Peepshow” at Planet Hollywood star wife Coco Austin on Wednesday night watched Frank Marino’s “Divas” …
Celebrity preview: Garth Brooks, ‘Pawn Stars,’ Charlie Sheen, Chris Brown, Diddy and …
It’s a mega-weekend that defies description, but I’ll try: Insane, out of control, over the top, outrageous, a never-ending 96-hour whirl. Only The Entertainment Capital of the World could produce this extraordinary four-day blast.
Superstar DJ Memorial Day Weekend kicks off battle of Las Vegas nightclubs
With the opening of Light and Daylight Beach Club at Mandalay Bay and the new Eclipse concert series at DBC, the war when it comes to highly paid …

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